Losing it?

No poems today guys. i have something that needs to be off loaded and if anyone of you reading this could leave a comment to reassure me that would be much appreciated.

*Takes a deep breath in… then breaths out slowly*

okay! so basically,i have just finished my 2nd year of my  medical physiology degree and results will soon be out. i am currently writing a re-sit essay for one of my modules and im feeling, should i say my thoughts are bothering me of recent. i feel like i haven’t put all my best into this year and the reason being is … damn i hate excuses but it isn’t really an excuse so much as an explanation of what i was going through this year (that’s me trying to convinces myself that it isn’t an excuse because growing up whenever me or my brother had den something wrong and we were asked why we were always cut off mid sentence with ‘that’s stories’ or ‘stop making excuses’ when i reality we were trying to explain why it went the way it did). i worked and was studying at the same time its not like i needed to work but i had to in order to provide for my family that is in Africa.. the fact that my father is supportive f my education makes it feel like he is taking advantage of me and my brother. but the main reason for going through with this stressful plan was to be able leave a foot print on the earth and to encourage the younger ones to go to school and to chase for  a brighter future seeing that the economy in Nigeria is extremely bad as in soo bad that the gap between the rich and the poor and be seen.

 

but anyways, at the start f term 1 one of the modules had quizzes that would take place bi weekly. we would have an introduction to the research paper and have a week to read it and then take the quiz  before the next lecture and by the next lecture the quiz would close at 12pm. i would have forgotten abut it because i would have to go to work in the evening and finish at 1 am. man it was hectic but i feel like i didn’t try hard enough i would reach out to a classmate to remind me of the quiz , this wasn’t constant so i stayed one my ones. i had no time to socialise i had other things going on majority of it was work (which was during the evenings mainly in the weekends).

 

so no im over here looking back and thinking why did i not reach out more?  and truth be told i am not one to reach out to people. i honestly am socially awkward and tend to interact with smaller groups of people than a butch of people here thinking im about to lose my chance of getting 1st class or a upper 2:1 (which i really dont want) i do hope that i have passed 2nd year 2 with 60% or more that’s me wishing..

am i overthinking this whole thing or what?

Being human sucks big time 😦

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