Tell Me

Pushing. I’m pushing.
Ignoring the small thoughts
That appear
While I’m busy .
I spend more time
Mentally moving
My thoughts
Than concentrating
On my work.
Someone please tell me
How to get this right.

The self doubt
is haunting my nights
Am I doing it right?
Someone tell me
If I’m doing alright.
One minute I’m
Doing okay
The next i’m
Streaming the Web
Searching for a piece
Of tranquillity.

Focus on one task.
I can’t.
Try putting the mask back
On.
I can’t
Tell me what’s the point
Of all this.
I want to be ready.
I want to be mentally steady.
It’s a new year for fucks sake.
Don’t we automatically
Change?
Doesn’t everything
Automatically get better?
No one told me
The answer.
Found out
Through disappointments.

They used to tell me
What to do.
Few years ago
I was wishing
They would all
Leave me alone.
Now I’m alone
Full grown adult
Physically
Mentally?
It’s still loading.

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